Jazzy Bake: Like Easy-Bake for Cultured People

Usually during take-off, I am furiously chewing on gum to keep the pressure out of my ears, gripping my stomach, and loathing the feeling that it is going to float right up, and hit the ceiling of the Boeing 767.
Not Tommy. Cool as a anything, he takes the moistened contact, clamps open his eyelids, and suction cups it right to his eye, then repeats. Who even does that? Takes talent. That's all I can say.

Seeing how my first flight was about 20 minutes late, giving me approximately 10 minutes to sprint through the Atlanta airport to catch my next flight, I was a little too preoccupied catching my breath to notice the young man in the green hoodie and nerd glasses, thoughtfully perusing a book of letters between Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. I settled into my seat, and gave the appropriate acknowledgement/greeting to my temporary travel companion. He remarked on how "old school" my choice of snack was (fruit roll up), and I offered him one. He politely declined, then I watched with fascination as 26 year old Tommy removed his (presumably) reading glasses, and began inserting his contact lenses as the pressure in the cabin increased and we made our ascent into the great blue.

Once the disequilibrium had faded off, then the real conversation began.
Physical Description in his own Words: "Irish-German. 100% Hunky. I come from pretty good stock. Average height, about 6' tall. I think I'm pretty good looking as it goes. I think sometimes it gets me in trouble. I think I have a pretty good physique for a guy who doesn't exercise. I've got sinewy hands and strong fingers. I've got pretty crazy hair most of the time. It's brown. I'm currently pretty casually dressed. I've got my favorite green sweatshirt on. It's a zipped hoodie. I've got one big tattoo, and one small tattoo. And I like these sunglasses that I'm wearing." (He's wearing Ray Bans.) Though he forgot to mention it, one of the first things I noticed was his WWF "Save the Pandas" shirt underneath the green hoodie.

Starting out, young Tommy wanted to be a movie star. Then he wanted to be a famous singer. Now he wants to be both. "Instead of waiting to be discovered, I'm trying to do it on my own time." Back in high school, he wanted to be Jeff Buckley. Eventually, he discovered that he just wanted to be himself. Cake shop proletarian by day, soulful musician by night, Tommy loves making his own sound. He started playing guitar at age 13, and taught himself to play piano at 16, but he has been singing from the beginning. "I've loved music my whole life." His music is a bit Jazzy, a bit Bluesy, and a bunch of other stuff, but one thing's for sure. It's one hundred percent Tommy.

But where did Tommy come from? His parents met at Lawrenceville, a boarding school in New Jersey. "They quarreled a lot, and divorced when I was six. That had the single greatest effect on me psychologically and behaviorally throughout my whole life." Despite the pain of the divorce, Tommy says that he still has two great parents, and he is close with both. He also has one older sister, with whom he is close, but "could be closer." Overall, he says he had a good childhood.

Things that Make Tommy Smile Real Big: 1) Laughing at himself. "I spend a good portion of my time being the butt of my own jokes. Myself never fails to make me smile."
2) Jazz Music: Ella, Miles, Bossanova, Jaoa Gilberto.
3) A&E's version of Pride and Prejudice. "That s*** cracks me up. I have a soft spot for it. I used to watch it with my sister and my mom, and I find the concentrated British vernacular hilarious."

Tommy's happiest memory can be traced back to the night he directed a play while working as a counselor at a summer camp. "I pulled off a very large production in a very short time. It was a triumph." After the performance, his kids dragged him out on stage for applause. He expected a warm reception, but he was not prepared for the magnitude and force of the audience's praise. "Elation" and "Euphoria," were all he could say to describe the moment. It was a sweet reward for all the hard work he had done.

Most Embarrassing Memory: "The last time I s*** my pants, I was wearing white shorts. I think I was six."

Things Tommy Loves to Hate:
1) Rom-Coms.
2) "Pretty much the majority of mainstream popular culture, especially Lady Gaga.
3) Reality TV, or actually most TV. (The exception being cake shows, particularly Cake Boss) "Reality TV just strikes me as contrived reality. Not very candid."

"Yes to Love. At least once. I met this girl the summer I was 23. We were working at the same summer camp in New Hampshire. She was miraculous. I didn't have any idea, at the time, what kind of profound impact she would have on my life. I just knew I was very attracted to her. She was very beautiful. She was flawless to me. She had flaws, and it only endeared her to me because it made her seem more 'my speed'. At first, there wasn't anything that set her apart. I was just lusting after a beautiful woman. And then we took a chance getting involved. For the first time, I allowed myself to be vulnerable, and I was rewarded with a very spiritual connection with her. What set her apart was that she told me that she loved me, even after I had hurt her. And that meant that she loved me, despite the fact that I was imperfect. That was the first time I ever felt okay being a flawed human being. Then we got to know each other in a very deep and profound way. We traveled together. We lived together. She was the keeper of my secrets, my closest confidant, my best friend. And the best sex I've ever had. But I imagine it was only so because of all the things I just mentioned. Eventually there was some dissonance that we just couldn't resolve. We were both honest about it, because we both felt it. So we separated. I think about her still. Strange to me that she's out there somewhere."
When asked if his first real love was his musical muse, Tommy replies, "She is not my muse. My muse is in my head. I think my mistake was me trying to make this girl my muse. I had to realize that my inspiration is within me."

If Tommy met his 16 year old self on the street, he would say, "I think everyone feels like you feel at your age. You must remember that you're not the center of the universe. You have to remember that a life lived only for the self will invariably be a lonely one, and the more you learn to serve others, the happier you will be. You have much talent, but only by cultivating discipline will you yield results. And when you're in college, don't make out with that girl Caitlin. She has herpes."

Megabus Pt. III: Kathleen

Looks 28, claims 32. She shifts in her seat. She knew I was going to ask her questions, and she had already agreed to be interviewed, but I don't think Kathleen knew that I was going to pry into her private life. Luckily, I picked her apart last, giving her plenty of time to prepare her answers. I think she felt better going last, after hearing the other stories, and figuring out that we were every bit as human as she. 


In her own words, she describes herself as, "Short, athletic build, fair skinned, bleached blonde, freckle faced, long hair. My favorite physical feature is my eyelashes. They’re long."


I thought she was a Californian, as she pulled off the blonde quite convincingly. But she stuns me with the knowledge that she is, in fact, Italian. If we're gonna be nit-picky, she is actually Irish-Italian, with a tiny bit of Native American and a tiny bit of French thrown in there. She typically identifies more strongly with her Irish side, both cultural influences were very present in her upbringing. She had a very Italian grandfather who had a tanning bed in his basement. (And the tanning goggles.) But let's start with her parents. 


Kathleen's parents were from the same hometown. Her mother was an Northern Irish/Democratic Activist, who moved out to San Francisco to be a full-time hippie.  While there, she married someone who was NOT Kathleen's father. Eventually, she came back to Massachussetts after having the marriage annulled. She was already acquainted with her future husband, because he had dated her best friend from high school.  They reconnected, got hitched, and have been together ever since. When asked if her father shares her mother's passion for activism, Kathleen responds, "Dad just kind of lets mom do her thing. Mom’s the feisty one." Ironically, when it came to raising her and her younger brother, Kathleen's former hippie mother was always really strict to protect them from making her mistakes.


Growing up, Kathleen wanted to be a  marine biologist. But then she actually figured out that science wasn’t really her thing, so it sort of fell by the way side. (Who hasn't wanted to be a marine biologist at some point in their life? I think it's a phase we all go through.) As she grew older, she cultivated a love for music. This led to her latest "crazy" dream - to be a DJ. What were the chances that I ended up sitting next to two aspiring DJs? Kathleen took some classes, and decided it was right up her avenue. Interestingly enough, her interests don't stop there. Turns out, Kathleen also does a bit of improv comedy and comedy writing on the side.


So now that we know what she WANTS to do, what is it that she actually does? She's an attorney at the Federal Trade Commission.  Obviously, my next question had to be, "HOW THE HECK DID YOU END UP THERE?" For a while, Kathleen also considered going into linguistics. She knew she wanted to go to grad school, and started doing international development. That was her realistic goal, doing foreign service. But she didn’t know exactly what she wanted to do, so she ended up at law school.  Kathleen is also very interested in Latin America, and can speak Spanish tolerably well.


There is not necessarily one major embarrassing event that Kathleen recalls, but she does have memories of living in a continuous embarrassed state. It was the 80’s. Mom used to dress her. "I wanted to wear the crazy, bright fluorescent things, but my mom never let me." Instead, Kathleen was made to dress conservatively, and kids being the mean little monsters they are, she got made fun of, and was really embarrassed. All the time.


But then, Kathleen grew up, and she got to pick out her own clothes, and make some happy memories. Her best memory was the time she lived in San Fran for a summer. "The feeling of living there, and just being there was just amazing. I felt a sense of freedom that I rarely experience. I was a newcomer, and it was only temporary, and didn’t know anyone, and had no obligations to anyone." Kathleen discovered that she is happiest when she is in exploration mode. 
 

Things that make Kathleen smile real big: 1) Comedy. Laughing in general. Luis C.K. is at the top of her list for standup. 2) Music. Good music. Her favorite genres include classic R&B, funk and disco, and old school hip hop.  She loves Otis Redding, Steely Dan, and Hall & Oats. 3) In general, she is really interested in people. Working towards a good cause, and helping people in need rank especially high on her priorities list.

Love: "It’s so complicated right now." Just like her fellow DJ, 2 is the magical number of love. Both happened very recently. One of them was her boyfriend of 2+ years. They just broke up about three months ago. The other is someone she met a year and a half ago. "We were friends. When my boyfriend and I broke up last winter, me and this friend started hanging out together, and developed feelings for each other." Then the boyfriend came back into the picture and said he really wanted to be together again. "I asked if he could see a future together, and he said he didn’t know. So we went our separate ways." During that time, the friend and Kathleen got closer. Finally,  the boyfriend came back and said, "I want us, I want the family, the whole deal." So Kathleen and ex-boyfriend got back together, and moved in together. Shortly after getting into this arrangement, Kathleen was getting the feeling that it wasn't working out. On top of that, her friend that she had feelings for was really upset that she had gotten back with her boyfriend.  "I was upset because I was totally unsure of what to do." Now that Kathleen and her old boyfriend are officially over, she has been working to reconnect with her special friend, and trying to show him that he means more to her than just rebound. 

I hope everything works out for you, Kathleen.

Kathleen was poised and ready for the final question. If she met her 16 year old self, she would tell her, "RE-LAX. I was way too serious. It was good that I worked hard, but I overdid it."

So with three new profiles under my belt, and the five hour journey home nearly complete, that's exactly what I did. I sat back and let the lull of gentle conversation roll in and out of my consciousness. Thank you, Megabus.

Megabus Pt. II: G

I was riveted. They were just so long. They must have taken a lifetime to grow. "10 years," was the response to my query concerning the mammoth dreads gracing the head of the passenger to my left.

His real name is Garrett, but apparently, no one seems to be able to remember it, so he goes by "G."

All G wanted to do as a boy was grow up to play for the Chicago Bulls, right next to Michael Jordan. Is that too much to ask? I guess so. G's childhood dreams of NBA stardom were crushed his Sophomore year of high school, when he didn't make the basketball team. However, he does still carry fond basketball related memories of classmate Andrew Bynum. "His best friend was this short, white kid, and me and my friends thought he was just a loser. When he got drafted, he had a draft party, and me and my friends wanted so badly to get into that party. Just goes to show you can’t take people for granted."

Alas, Basketball was not his calling, but shortly after, G discovered his true passion. Music. He DJed a high school dance, and it was love at first scratch. Sporting his vinyl records, he took on the name DJ Blakout, and took control of the dance floor. "I’ll never forget playing Usher’s 'Yeah'.  It was the best experience ever." 

Now G is 25, and his current dream is to DJ around the world. So far, his globetrotting has only extended as far as Jamaica. But I don't think his dream includes a repeat of that ill-fated Spring Break trip to the Islands, where he was given mono by his female traveling companion.

While that dream is still very much alive, G also has his day job. For the past three years, he has been working as a middle school teacher in Philly. He taught with the Teachers for America Program. Pretty hardcore. He also worked with kids with autism. I actually caught him on his way to an interview for an admin position in the DC public school system. 

Physical Description in his own words: 5’10, 5’11 on a good day. I kinda feel like I’m short, so that’s one of my biggest insecurities. (Chris butts in: “You’d hate my sister. She’s 6’1”) 183 lbs. Used to be like, 210, so I lost some weight about a year or so. All attributed to changing my diet, running, and water. Water is everything to me. (More on that later.)  When it comes to complexion, I try to go by mocha or cocoa. I’m more brown skinned. Decade long dread locks. One more of my insecurities is my taco meat. I like having a little hair on my chest. Plaid, flannel shirt, can’t go anywhere without my Levis. Levi Strauss is my friend.  I always have something on my wrists. A watch, a random Jordan band, and a simple bead bracelet my soon to be wife made for me. To the best of my knowledge, both my parents are African American. I may have some Native American in me, but if I do, it’s very small.

G's immediate family consists of his mother, Sherri, and his cat, Godiva. Mom lives in New Brunswick under the fastidious rule of Godiva, the "boss of the house". Being an only child, G admits that he was spoiled rotten, but even he had to concede to the whims of Lady Godiva, who "does absolutely nothing but be cute and cause trouble," and whose lips have never touched anything but Fancy Feast.  

Obviously, it requires two to give life to baby G, and he most certainly had a father. However, his father left when he was still an infant.  But there is a happy side to the story. With a grin, G relates, "My father and I just now recently reestablished our relationship, now that he’s cleaned himself up." 

G Shares his most Embarrassing Moments: First grade. "I went on myself. I don’t think the other kids noticed, and I was able to discreetly slip out, but I knew. The other embarrassing moment was when I was in middle school. It involved one of my close childhood friends, Patrick Miller. I told him IN CONFIDENCE, that I liked Ashley Diggs, who’s actually Lauren Hill’s cousin. The next day at school, EVERYBODY knew. I guess I wasn’t handsome or something because she was totally not into me.  I never got my opportunity with her. Oh yeah. Also, when in college, Mom walked in on me having sex."

Happiest Memory: "The first time I played Craig Mack’s “Flava in Your Ear” remix on  my turn table, that’s when I decided that this is what I need to be doing."

Things that Make G Smile Real Big: 

1) Good times with family and friends. Being able to enjoy peoples’ company. 

2) Meeting new people. Learning peoples’ stories. 

3) Thanksgiving. "My mom worked so hard, so she rarely came home and cooked. My mom used to bring me supersize fries all the time, so I was a chubby little kid. Thanksgiving was the only time that she came home and cooked, and when she cooked, she threw it down."  

4) Music: To get an idea of just how much G cares about music, one only has to glance at his wrist, where he sports a bracelet that says, “God is Music.” "Death Cab for Cutie changed my life. I’m now completely open to all kinds of music.  My turn table is my guitar. One artist that  encompasses it all, Girl Talk.  That’s how I feel about music."

5) Water: A good glass of water. G has plenty to say about it. "I don’t touch Dasani and I don’t touch Nestle water.  I was introduced to Fiji water at Rutger’s Fest. I was helping to put the concerts together, and the rapper requested Fiji water.  I tasted it and it literally changed my perspective on life. It was heaven in a bottle.  No matter how I’m feeling, a bottle of water calms me down, changes my day. But at the end of the day, it’s Poland Spring  for me.  It is the originator, the innovator, and the trailblazer of the bottled water movement."

L'amour- Twice has he fallen. The first, when he was 14. Her name was Jasmine, from East Orange. She could sing anything. She even sang opera, and it was the most beautiful thing young G had ever heard. "She’s also kinda one of the reasons I grew my hair out," he confesses. Apparently, one of the best way to get girls to talk to you was to ask the girls to do your hair. Jasmine did everybody’s hair, so it made sense for G to grow his hair out. The next year, she did his hair, and they started dating. 

G's second bout with love came about two years ago. "This girl, I went all out, balls to the wall for her. I’m not mister romantic, but I was head over heels."  He whisked her away to Atlantic City, took her to a concert, got the champagne, the roses, the chocolate covered strawberries, the whole nine yards. In the end, not only did she break his wallet, but she broke his heart as well. "Messed me up for a long time." 

If G ran into his 16 year old self, he would tell young G to be open to new things. "Be open minded to new things, new people, new experiences." 

At this point, our bus stopped in Baltimore and we had to bid our new friend, Chris adieu. But then our attention turned to Kathleen, who ironically, also shared G's dream of becoming a DJ. 

To be continued...

Megabus Pt. I : Chris

I hit the jackpot! On my five hour bus ride home from NYC, I had the grand fortune of sitting next to, not one but, THREE friendly individuals, who let me pick their life stories apart.

The first one to get the conversation going was 23 year old Maryland native, Chris. It all started when he noticed I was having trouble keeping my Naked Red Machine juice from slipping through the ghetto, bottomless cup-holder in the table. Not wanting to leave a damsel in distress, Chris gallantly whipped out his handy dandy roll of duct tape. Problem solved. 

Physical Description in his own words: 6’3, 210 lbs. Strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, athletic. Could lose a little around the midsections, but athletic nonetheless. Tall, handsome, Jew nose.  Favorite physical feature is my legs. They're powerful, fast, and can do a lot. 

Chris has his Polish and German blood to thank for his very Aryan features. (Haha. A German with a Jew nose.) Although, it never had a huge impact on his day to day upbringing or lifestyle. Maybe on the occasional family gathering. He has a "very Polish uncle," who always drinks honey whiskey at Thanksgiving. I guess if you drink honey whisky, that makes you Polish. But don't let the blonde hair fool you. Chris has never been out of the U.S. and he does not celebrate October Fest. What kind of German are you? 

As ein junges kind, Chris dreamed of being an Air-force pilot. He always played and dabbled with flight simulators. There was just something so fascinating about being in the open skies, and being able to control where you wanted to go. Going faster than light, and of course, all the fire power behind it. Chris currently works in IT for Jaguar Tech as a Systems Engineer. And though his Air-force Piloting dreams seem to have taken a bit of a dive, he has not given up on dreaming altogether.  His dream occupation has become more jovial in nature. Chris can't think of anything that would make him happier than getting paid to do standup comedy. He loves being onstage, and loves to make people laugh. It's kind of his thing.

And who better to cheer you on toward your dreams and laugh at your jokes when no one else thinks they're funny than your loving family. Though Chris's mom passed away from cancer not too long ago, he still has his two older sisters, and his dad. Yes. Chris is the youngest, and he was kind of spoiled. But dad kept him in check. I don't know much about Mom except that she was married once before to some guy named Harry who was hairy everywhere but his head, as the story goes.

When it comes to embarrassing moments in Chris's life, I learned that he has battled with stage fright, and apparently lost a few times. Hmm. Not too promising for our budding comedian. The other time Chris remembers being particularly embarrassed was the time Mom caught him looking at things he shouldn’t have online.  That, or the time a guy professed his love for him (when he knew Chris had a girlfriend). Isn't that how it always goes? One just can't always help who one falls for. 

Even though Chris's life library has its share of stories of the humiliating genre, it has it's share of happy ones as well. Some of his most cherished memories are about his very first bike. Huffy, bright neon green and black, with lights on the front.  "I rode the hell out of that bike... then destroyed it after jumping off a 5 foot ramp."

Things that Make Chris Smile Real Big: 1) Death Cab for Cutie. Or more specifically, Benjamin Gibbard. Thus, Postal Service also makes this list. "He’s this era’s Paul Simon." 2) Exercise. "Nothing better than getting on my bike and going for 20-25 miles." 3) People watching. Watching kids enjoying the simple things in life. (Like candy? JK. Creep much?)  4) Making other people smile. "Seeing other people happy puts a smile on my face." 5) Exotic foods: Sushi, Thai food, Indian Food, Pho, etc.

Chris has been struck by Love's arrow all of three times. The first was with his first girlfriend. That was puppy love. The second was with his high school sweetheart. Apparently, that didn't work out so well because she was very shallow and narrow minded. Finally, there is his current girlfriend. I asked what it was about her that he loved, and here is what he had to say: "I love the way she can think on her own. She's very free thinking.  I love how we’re able to be completely honest with each other, no matter if it's good or bad." Granted, he did not deny that there was also great physical attraction. Chris also mentioned that he treasured the ability to, no matter what day it was, just talk on the phone for an hour, for no reason at all.

If Chris ran into his 16 year old self on the street, he definitely would have pushed himself to go further in secondary education. "I would have given myself a heads up in life."

As the bus dropped Chris off at his stop in Baltimore, me and the Megabus gang wave to our new friend as he makes faces at us from the other side of the window. Thanks for helping us pass the time, Chris. You sure made us smile. 

Sarah

The first time I saw Sarah, all I could see was this shark back-pack with giant jaws full of teeth printed on it. There's little else I remember about how she looked that day. That was about seven-plus years ago.


It's great to see a new face, but what about the old ones? I had the privilege to reconnect with an acquaintance from high school, via Facebook.


I met Sarah at a meeting for the Christian club on campus. I think she sat at the desk in front of me. I just remember finding her backpack odd, yet hoping that this cool, quirky upperclassman might actually talk to lowly freshman me. It turned out that Sarah was actually the cousin of my longtime best friend, Alissa. Small world. Sadly, despite this mind-blowing association, we just never did get the chance to actually hang out or develop much of a friendship (Beyond her doing my hair a few years later for Alissa's wedding. Random).
However, I recently posted some random Facebook status on craving Chinese-style stewed pig's feet, and she was curious enough to respond. That prompted me to answer with a "How the heck are ya?" post to her wall, and I figured, since it's been over seven years, I might as well get the full scoop and do a full interview. This is the result.


Little Sarah liked dogs. She wanted to make them better when they got sick. The life of a vet was what she was bound for. (Not so much anymore. Dogs are too needy for her liking at this point in her life.) Then, it came time to think about higher education. She applied to Redeemer University of Ontario, Canada, and some other college, maybe in Tennessee, maybe not, whose name she cannot quite recall. All she knew was that it was FAR from the wretched, soul-sucking, humid heat of Sarasota, Florida. At this point, there was no particular occupational direction, just the general goal of getting further educated, and further from Florida.
"Somewhere between my dad discouraging me from going to my dream school in Canada, and my first semester at Manatee Community College [Now called State College of Florida] I reached a weird realization. I was, and still to some degree am, convinced that I was made to be a mortician."


Heads up. She is not a mortician. She is currently a hairstylist at Fantastic Sam's in Traverse City, MI.
"It's nothing fancy, but they know how to take good care of stylists, and it's hella clean!"
In April, she will have been in Michigan two years. This suits her well, and her love for cold and snow. Sarah has been licensed as a stylist for about four and a half years now, and enjoys it more than she had originally anticipated. Ironically, the origin of this career path was a branch off her former mentioned dream of undertaking. "I thought about the business, and how a lot of them are family owned and operated. Since I have not family in the business, not even a friend, I thought that I could get my foot in the door at a funeral home as a licensed cosmetologist. I thought I could cultivate a relationship with a mortuary business by decorating the heads of their deceased and preserved customers."
BRILLIANT! Take note, all you dreamers of impossible dreams! If it doesn't look like you belong in the lobby, sneak through the back door!
Unfortunately, this dreamer was hit with a bit of a set back when, halfway through her cosmetology program at Sarasota County Technical Institute, she discovered that morticians do not generally like to hire outside cosmetologists. 


In her own words: 


Despite being completely crushed with discouragement I continued on, and came to like it. A blessing in disguise.  If I hadn't decided to go ahead and get my license, and start working for a salon, I never would have met my fiance. In the first six months of working at a Regis corp. owned salon, Mia & Maxx, I met Levi. I didn't want to believe that I was so interested in him at first, seeing as how I was dating someone else at the time, but it didn't take long for me to realize that Levi is my soulmate. My mother even told me that she knew we would get married. A few months into our budding romance I was riding in his car, and Barry White came on the radio. As "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" played, he put his hand on my knee, and said, "What do you think about playing this for our first song when we get married?". How cute is he? I told my mom about how cute that was, and she admitted to me, "I knew you two would get married the moment I met him," which was briefly at the salon one afternoon when the two of us were manning the salon together on a slow day. We will be married in the fall of 2013. TOTALLY. EXCITED.


Sarah has not completely given up on potentially finding her way to mortuary school, but before then, she has other dreams. She would also love to be traversing the world with her love, Levi, educating and performing for hairstylists around the globe. 


Sarah is fairly sure her parents met at church, sometime in the winter, in the area of Rochester, NY. Though it's just the four of them in her immediate family (mom, dad, brother, and Sarah), with 20+ aunts, uncles, and majorly fun cousins, she likes to say she has a pretty decent sized family. Though close in heart, the physical distance is terrible. Between her family in NY and in Florida, Sarah has a lot of family to miss, "seeing as how we grew up together, eating beets together, bucking eggs, and visiting each other in the time out chair Nana loved so much to put us in."


A lot of who Sarah is today, is because of her family:


My family has taught me the difference between a love that is true, and the love of someone who thinks they're better than you. I hope to glean from that, how to better treat those who I love. Growing up with my brother has taught me patience and understanding. He has overcome so many challenges, and he's still working on some of them, but he's taught me that not everyone is working under "normal" circumstances.  I've seen how our family had been judged by others, and realized how unfair it is to pass judgment on a situation you've never been in yourself. It's still hard though sometimes, because I'm pretty sure that the people above my apartment smoke crack with two babies in their dwelling, which enrages me. My mom drilled in me as a child, "Treat others the way you would like to be treated," it's all you can do!


Physical Description in Her Own Words: My hair is in a pony tail, because I was doing house chores earlier, and didn't want it in my face. I am wearing pajamas pants that my mom bought me close to 10 years ago. I've set the ladies free inside an extremely oversized black tshirt, with a screen print design of the rap star Ol' Dirty Bastard on it which reads "HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?" I don't know what it means, and I couldn't sing you an ODB song, or rap you an ODB rap, but I pulled this shirt, and a bright yellow one with a big purple tupac on it out of a dumpster behind the Sarasota Square Mall, perfectly folded with a tag still on it, from Hot Topic, on my birthday. How could I resist?


Things that Make Sarah Smile REAL BIG: (1) Kittens. "The only thing that's made the past couple years just less than perfect is the fact that I need cats in my life. They don't lick your mouth like dogs." (2) Knitting. "So sedentary which is not great for a fatty like myself, but it takes me straight to my happy place." (3) Crafting. "Almost any kind of crafting can put an enormous grin on my face. (4) Friends and Family. Nuff said. (5) Laughing. "Levi likes to tickle, and who really likes being tickled? I always tell him how much I hate it, and one day, I asked him why he does it when he knows that I don't like it. His response was that he just likes hearing me laugh and squeal uncontrollably. That's pretty cute. I still try to fight him, but I hate it less now that I know he's just making me laugh. The laughing part is pretty darn good."


Best Memory: The first one that comes to mind is her 4th birthday, when Grandma Stephens built a snowman cake for her birthday. It was basically a giant popcorn ball shaped like Frosty. It was also her very first experience with snow. Thus, the grand epiphany that she knew she was not made for the south. Another fantastic memory from the same period of her life was the day she got the baby brother she had prayed for every day for as long as she could remember. "Wouldn't trade him for the world."

Most Embarrassing Moment (I'll let her tell it in her own words, because it's pretty priceless): In sixth grade I perioded myself. Period. Actually, there is a little more to it. It wasn't the first time. I knew it was all coming out down there. First of all, pads are disgusting. I always hated seeing that bloody mess inside my panties, but this time was particularly off-putting because I was sitting in my world cultures class telling myself, "If you get up out of this chair, everyone is going to see your period pants." Eventually, I convinced myself that worse things could happen, like if I continued to sit there, I might have to clean a puddle of menstrual blood out of my manila envelope colored chair. Actually, worse things did happen. When I called our teacher's aide to the bathroom near the back of our portable classroom to tell her about this little problem of mine, she escorted me to the clinic, where I called my mother to bring me a change of pants, and ultimately tried convincing her to let me come home, and explain to everyone at school the next day that I got sick, but was completely well now. Instead, I came back to class wearing jeans instead of shorts, and I can't think of a person who DIDN'T notice my quick change. Here I am fearing that my pad might fail me yet again, and everyone asking me if I peed myself. Looking back, I should have just said, "Nope. I perioded myself." I feel like that might have stopped people in their tracks. Instead, I told everyone that I had a hole in my pants. A rather believable argument I thought. Nope. The next two and a half years everyone who could remember the day I changed from shorts to jeans referred to me as "Sarah Sprinkler, the girl who pissed herself in the sixth grade." Only one of the reasons that I hate most people today, and myself a little bit.


If Sarah happened to bump into her 16 year old self, she would advise her to, "Do well in school, don't worry about what people tell you you can or cannot do, keep playing the saxophone, and go to college wherever the hell you want. Don't be afraid of student loans. Anyone who has ever been successful in life has had to pay them off too. It also wouldn't hurt you to drop a few pounds. Take care of yourself. ALSO, go see Zoolander in theaters! totally worth it!"




Well Sarah, if we are still friends when I die, I won't ask you to give my Eugoogly, but I may ask you to do my hair and make up Blue Steel style. How BAMF would it be to be buried that way?